| Happy New Year |
[Jan. 1st, 2010|12:03 am] |
Just rolled past midnight here in the land of the rising sun. So wishing everyone a happy 2010.
I had the option of going out with people but I'm not feeling it. Just like last year, and the last few, I welcome the new year in alone. I will have a drink and toast to not making fatal mistakes again. Then maybe I'll do something self destructive.
I love her, just not enough. |
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| Blue Moon |
[Dec. 31st, 2009|03:41 am] |
Well now, there's a blue moon today, new year's eve. I saw the full moon earlier tonight. I remember a time when I used to believe that connected me with the ones I was thinking about on the other side of the world.
I had a few drinks with Ernie tonight and we toasted to the future, the past, friends and family, and the lost loves and the what ifs.
I think about the movie Simply Irresistable when I think about a blue moon because of the main song in it "Once in a Blue Moon".
( Song lyrics )
So as anyone can see from my timestamp, I'm still up. My sleep continues to be out of whack. |
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| Some articles, short thoughts. |
[Dec. 30th, 2009|02:24 pm] |
Interesting. The musical Wicked breaks the record for highest grossing week over Christmas, breaking its own record set Thanksgiving. IMDB article.
Link from skreidle provided me amusement with this bathroom prank with a set of twins. Youtube link. It is workplace safe viewing.
A group has announced they've hacked the encryption that secures 80% of mobile phones worldwide. Interesting article.
And AT&T stops selling iPhones in NYC because users are consuming too much bandwidth. Wired article.
Yesterday I was asked about if I was making any resolutions for the new year. I said I really don't make resolutions because they're never really long lasting. I did indicate that I did plan to lose a few pounds during January, but that's not a resolution as much as just what I plan to do next month. I've always prefered the idea of commitments for the new year. A bit ago I had only one commitment I had planned to make in 2010.
I've found it more helpful lately to unload some thoughts. I've been doing it publicly for the most part which means there are still things I don't talk about so I'll probably modify my friends list soon and post more friends only entries.
In a little bit I'm going over to S1 to start the paperwork on extending my tour here. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 28th, 2009|07:29 pm] |
So for a weekend in which I was forcibly kept home when I was supposed to be away on vacation, the past couple of days were actually pretty good.
As a result of my home-boundness, I've had some time to reconnect with some folks I haven't talked to in a while. It always amazes me how after weeks or months of not talking to someone, you can slip right into talking and interacting with them the way you did the last time you talked.
Got a couple of cards/gifts in the mail (Thank you Liz, Kristen and Ben!). I need to get better with mailing stuff out. I know how much I like receiving mail and I'm sure the same applies on the other end. Really gotta work on that. ^^;
Also been playing games quite a bit; pretty much exclusively puzzlers. Finally got the last achievement in Tetris Evolution (Thanks again, Jon!) so now I can ship that off to Gamefly and hopefully get Borderlands or Left 4 Dead 2 before the weekend. Picked up the new Square-Enix/Pop Cap game Gyromancer. It's basically Puzzle Quest with darker graphics. I'm enjoying it, but then, well, before RPGs and Rhythm games, puzzlers (particularly Tetris) were my first love. Apparently that love extends to this day, hehe.
Went to a follow up appointment for my ankle today and everything's looking good. I almost didn't need the cane to get myself there and back, but stairs still have one up on me, heh. The Doctor recommended I get an air cast for better stability, but I don't think I'm going to bother. I'm just going to be more careful. The ankle's pretty much stopped hurting, now it's just sort of itchy which I assume is part of the healing process...?
The only bad thing is I'm still only sleeping 5 hours a night. I even tried to take a pain med with something in it to promote sleep, but no dice. I've been sitting around the last couple hours trying to nap, (I'm at a point where I'll deal with the headache- I just want more sleep), but no luck. *sigh* I'm thinking a visit to my regular doctor to inquire about this might be in order tomorrow.
I think I'm going to give up on napping (waaaah) and make something to eat. |
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| Sci Fi weekend continued |
[Dec. 28th, 2009|12:59 am] |
So I've been watching a lot of sci fi this weekend. I am an ubernerd. I've got every episode of Doctor Who. Every episode of the Star Trek franchise with the exception of the animated series. Babylon 5 and related. Torchwood. Stargate. And bunches more. So, when reading on the actors and their filmographies, you often see various actors showing up in the same shows down the road. Like several actors from the original Tron movie on Babylon 5. Actors from Serenity being on V and Dollhouse. And those from Farscape being on Stargate SG1. Just interesting to follow the characters they play.
Watching Reboot's 3rd season now. Funny how when you watch some of the scenes, it's just like the CGI used on Babylon 5 for some of their scenes.
And I was also watching some other animated series. So one voice actress who happens to be asian seems to get a lot of roles voicing asian animated characters. You really need an asian for a voice? Tis funny indeed. |
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| Lords and Masters |
[Dec. 28th, 2009|12:10 am] |
Well, that first part of Doctor Who End of Time was impressive. Especially when you know it will be the last two episodes of the David Tennant era as the Doctor. They usually end on an edge of your seat kind of episode when they're ending an era. And that final scene was rather cool. Gotta wait another week to see how they continue it. I think Timothy Daltan was a great choice for his role even if he didn't make a good James Bond. I think watching the Doctor Who Confidential covering the episode was just as long as the episode itself.
Sleep is still messed up. Ernie called and woke me up because his pre-arranged person who was supposed to pick him up at the airport wasn't responding. So I ended up going to the airport to get him. And then later in the afternoon, fell asleep for a few more hours. Hopefully I will be sleeping by 0200 or sooner. I am pretty sure my emotional state is very unbalanced due to the amount I want to be sleeping.
Over some late pizza, Ernie asked how my Xmas has been going. I had related my poor sleeping and everything else going on earlier in the day. He said he wasn't referring to that. I said I had thought about talking to her maybe 2-3 times over the last 5 days. His comment was that I am on course to remain self destructive. I said he was right. And added stubborn due to being a taurus. |
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| Crashes, Firefly, crappy sleep |
[Dec. 27th, 2009|02:51 am] |
Last night I still was up at 0330. Woke up early and didn't get back to sleep because while working on shifting files around, one of my hard drives crashed. I'm working on recovering it still 20 hours later. I'd just like to know what files went missing so I can work on replacing them. I'm on edge and ready to explode. On the sleep front, I fell asleep sometime around 1600. Woke back up around 2230, and obviously sitll up right now. Hopefully I'll be sleepy again soon.
So was watching several episodes of Stargate Atlantis and recently started re-watching episodes of Firefly. Jewel Staite looks so much better in SG:A. Read that she had to gain weight for her part in Firefly and had lost it by the time Serenity was filmed so I'm looking forward to seeing it again soon. And seeing Morena Baccarin in her role in this, and then seeing her in the new V, I think she looks much thinner. Alan Tudyk was also on the new V. I also liked Morena in Stargate SG1.
Oh, yesterday I had okay Chinese food for my Christmas lunch. Wouldn't be a Jewish Christmas without some.
I've been wondering if I should have fought harder lately. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 25th, 2009|03:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sore | ] |
First off, Merry Christmas. :)
Secondly, I *still* only slept 5 hours last night before waking up for a bit and then getting back to sleep for a short while.
Thirdly, I sincerely hope you all had a better Christmas Eve than I did. I went to work and then, as I was stepping off the bus, I landed really badly on my ankle. Thankfully, two people were very nice and helped me get back on my feet. So I went to the ER and walked out with a diagnosis of a badly sprained ankle, a cane, a pair of ace bandages and a prescription for Motrin.
To make matters more humorous, I also managed to twist my other ankle when I landed in the snow I think, so I really can't bear much wait on either foot. This makes moving around tricky. The only other injury I have is slightly scuffed knuckles on my right hand. Had to protect my iPod from landing in the snow, you know. :P
Oh well, it just serves as an excuse to sit around on XBox Live most of the day! :D
Though, honestly, it sucks when you realize all the little things you do daily that involve moving your ankle in certain ways. I can't really sit on a chair so much as I have to plop down on it to avoid pain. O_o
But hey, it could be worse. Nothing's broken and the people at the hospital were nice. I was doing my best to be good humored about everything and the other patients I spent most of the evening with thanked me for keeping things light-hearted as possible. That was pretty nice. :)
Once again, happy holidays everyone. Have a great day. :) |
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| Restless |
[Dec. 25th, 2009|03:40 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  restless | ] |
I hate feeling so restless. I had taken a nap the night before after work and didn't end up going back to sleep until 0200. Got a call at 0400 to help take care of a network outage. Didn't get back to sleep until 0700. Then had a phone call disturb my sleep at 0900. After going back to sleep slept until 1300. So now I'm still feeling fairly awake. Stomach is complaining but not from hunger. I think I drank too much coffee around 1800. Did some stuff I shouldn't have and now I'll not be doing that for a while. Will need to do a litlte banking on Saturday morning I suppose. At least I was distracted for something like 8 hours.
I also hate feeling this loneliness even though I'm surrounded by people. I didn't expect to be alone through the holidays but oh well.
A new year to start soon. A time of new commitments. Not for resolutions. 1200x800 is a resolution.
If I were still married, this January 1st would have been 16 years. I loved her enough to let her go.
I had planned to get married again. I just didn't love her enough to hold on. Of course, neither did she.
Merry Christmas to my friends. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|04:10 am] |
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*cries* So I went to sleep at 11:30 last night knowing I would have to wake up earlier than normal to get to work this morning. This led to me waking up at 3:30 this morning because I just can't stay asleep. Normally I can excuse the waking up by reasoning that other people in the house are getting ready for work (they work earlier than I do) but that's simply not the case now. *sighs* Guess I'll just lay back down. I don't have to be awake for four more hours, so maybe that'll be a long enough stretch where my body won't go into post-nap headache mode. The only trick is actually falling back to sleep. : P Posted via LiveJournal.app. |
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| Proposals and honeymoons |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|03:31 pm] |
The Dilbert strip from 22 Dec 2009 was amusing. It went like this:
Dilbert (to boss): Our customer is asking for features we can't possibly deliver.
Boss (to Dilbert): Say we can. We'll disappoint them later when it's too late to back out.
Dilbert (to Dogbert): Leaders don't like it when you compare things to their honeymoons.
A short bit ago someone had posted one of those writer's block things about an ideal proposal. I didn't really have one though did consider various scenerios. I had planned to propose after we were married which was what would have made it different. No more.
Been thinking about removing people from my AIM list that I don't even talk to. Probably haven't even sent a message back and forth with for over a year. |
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| So Happy It's Thursday |
[Dec. 24th, 2009|12:52 am] |
A more amusing acronym than the common one for Friday.
The problem with hiding brownies on the top shelf of your cupboard is that you tend to forget they're there. I'm pretty sure the Little Debbie brownie I just ate was purchased sometime about 2-2.5 months ago.
Moved more furniture today as we shift our office location from one part of the building to another. It is good to know that I am worthy of a specific desk location and computer and not have to play hot swap with the other junior enlisted.
Anyway, it is now Christmas Eve here in Japan so Merry Christmas to everyone. I will probably be spending part of the day at M's. Or just being a lonely loser in my room. Friday I am considering the traditional Chinese food on Christmas. Very Jewish of me. No movie planned though.
I was driving earlier and the old Depeche Mode song Somebody came up on my CD. I don't even know why I have it on there since just about every single time I will just hit the next song button past it. Tonight I sang along with it which I haven't done in a long time.
( Somebody lyrics )
Probably should head to sleep soon. I feel like certain bad things might happen if I lose control soon. This'll be a loooooong weekend. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|10:35 am] |
So, anyone have any suggestions for how to stay asleep? Drink some warm milk? Put on a tape of dolphin sounds? I get to sleep just fine but I can't seem to sleep more than 6 hours in a night lately if I'm lucky. I <3 sleeping so this lack of it is seriously making me sad.
The library started its great migration to the 2nd floor last week. This is good in that it means I can take off a couple days during break without worrying about the move going unfinished, but it's bad in that I have all these boxes of books lying around. I can't really access anything that the students need and I feel bad turning to them and saying "Oh, sorry, can't get that for you."
Figured out how to milk the most out of work over the next couple of weeks so that my paycheck won't be a barren wasteland on the other end of the holidays. Sure, it means going into the office on Christmas Eve, working from home Christmas morning and then again going into the office the day after Christmas, but it's not that I celebrate the holiday anyways.
What's been nice for the holidays has been my unexpected holiday bonus from the library. That was cool. They also gave me a gift card at the holiday party (which was actually pretty fun).
Now on to unrelated to the gift giving time of year thoughts (just a couple, I promise). Apparently FFXIII is catching some heat because it's 'too linear'. My thoughts on that? YAY!!!! I'm tired of open world exploration RPGs (Mass Effect, Fallout). Bring on the linearity!
Games that are not likely to have a very active online community more than 2 weeks past release should NOT have online based achievements (glares at Tetris Evolution). It irritates me that I'll probably forever be one achievement shy of the 1k on that game (I *love* Tetris like you don't understand) because they need to put these stupid online achievements in. >.<
One more random question, Anyone know if iPods are supposed to experience a precipitous drop in battery life after 10 months? I used to go a few days between charges with the iPod Touch, but now I have to charge it daily and that's yet another thing that's making me sad. :/
Hope you all have a wonderful holiday! :) |
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| Interesting convo |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|09:12 pm] |
Ran into Ernie downstairs earlier. I had thought he had went to Korea already while on leave but he's not leaving until tomorrow. Strange how he notices when I'm feeling off. So I told him about the why I was feeling off. How the "on again off again" was off again. And about the last conversation she and I had some 5.5 weeks ago. About the package yesterday. So on his interpretation of things, and the stuff we talked about, I've spent the last hour contemplating things. Some of it is hard to make sense so I'm writing it out to see if I can puzzle it out.
One thought is that I had a reaction to the package yesterday. Receving back those things I gave her and how I had a reaction. That if I had no emotions, I would have had no reaction. Or at least nothing at the level I did.
We talked about how I said she thought of my treatment of the marriage plans as something on my "to do" list. He believed she treated it as trivializing such a major event. To me it was one of many things I would need to do. Including seeing my parents, my sister's family, and most importantly my son that I haven't seen since before leaving for basic training. So even if I did say it is part of one of my many things to do in whatever short time I'd have on leave, I suppose it may sound trivial so apparently all those other things on this list of mine must be trivial too. These are the things I have on a high list of priorities and cannot be shifted but part of a to do list. So my interpretation of this is different than hers because I seem to trivialize it. However I was not going to make major productions out of it. The marriage itself is just a still frame in my mind compared to the marriage that is the epic movie. Well, next time I guess I won't trivialize it if it means that much to whoever I'm with.
Another thing we talked about is how I said I'd storm out if things didn't go without incidents. About how I responded to her comment about not loving her enough to deal with her family. Ernie says she would interpret that as not loving her enough to ever accept her family. Of course, what he said was that I shouldn't have verbalized it, and stormed out if it did happen but not tell her that it would be coming. That with the few times and little enough times we would have to deal with her family, that I should just suck it up instead of telling her how I'd react. So maybe I shouldn't be upfront about things. Hold things back for the sake of the woman. Perhaps next time I'm in a relationship I will.
Another thing was that if I didn't love her enough for these little concessions, then perhaps I didn't love her enough in general. Love isn't unconditional but I guess I wasn't willing to give enough.
And Ernie asked if I was willing to change. Since I said I seemed to make the same mistakes over and over. I said I have been working on changing for a long time. He said that is a past statement and asked if I was willing to change in the future. I said I am changing. He said that is the present and am I willing to change. So yes, I want to change these old habits that I've been changing. I've gone over the same mistakes I've made with past relationships. I've worked on changing those things and applying those changes. And I thought telling her the things on my mind as part of how to best do that. So I guess I was wrong on that. Food for thought for next time. |
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| Hmm... |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|12:59 pm] |
So on the way back to my room for lunch, I stopped to check my mail and saw I had a package. I hadn't ordered anything recently so I didn't know what to expect. It was from Boo Boo with my APO shirt, my hoodie from basic training, and my army marshmallows (basic training sweat shirt and pants used for PT). And a note that said she wished me every happiness. Why send this to me? Why so selective and not send back all the other gifts I've given her. Last time we "broke up" I had asked for the hoodie back but had sent it back to her after we got back together and said I'd ask for it back if I wanted it back. I expected to see Yogi in the box too but knew it wouldn't be there from the customs packing slip. Just the clothes? I'm sure everything else I've sent/given her has been stowed away.
And to think lately I was thinking what a jerk I've been and how I'd prefer to be talking to her on weekends than doing nothing or fighting my compulsion because I haven't got much to do.
I had taken Mac to the sushi place where the dishes come by you on a conveyer belt right after he got here. I told him the story of how one time I was there and they put out some dishes of squid and I missed it as it went by the first time. I had seen it coming around the second time (and there were only 2 plates left) and somehow I must have been distracted when it passed me. By the third time it was going to come around, I was looking for it and there were none left. Fortunately they put out some more a few minutes after but it was like a life lesson about not waiting for something to come around again, and get it while it is there. Same kind of thing happened when I went shopping for a table at the BX on Kadena when it opened. I saw the folding table I wanted and decided to wait and when I returned to purchase it the following weekend, it was no longer available and they haven't had it in stock since that first weekend. Same life lesson.
Time to return to work. I'm already runnng late. Freaking frustration. |
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| Lack of success |
[Dec. 20th, 2009|01:33 am] |
Many folks consider me fairly smart, and it surprises them to know I'm among the less intelligent in my family. I received an email from one of my cousins on blast today covering her year in review and wishing a happy holidays and new year. She's travelled much in 2009, and has climbed her corporate ladder, and all that good stuff which makes me think about how I haven't succeeded much this year. Sure I've done things, but it's not the same. I still often feel like a failure.
Felt a little flu-ish this morning which may be due to flu shot or weather being cooler than normal for here. Slept a lot today. Went to do a bit of shopping. For dinner Sole and I went to an Indian restaurant she and I had wanted to check out. It was pretty decent. Now still up due to napping in the afternoon but I should head to sleep sometime soon. |
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